Hope

I found a wonderful article on singleness at Boundless by Elisabeth Adams entitled One Single Day. I really would like the topic of marriage and singless to NOT exist, but I find that it follows me everywhere. I can never get away from it in my heart. I want to be married, and yet, I am not. I want the desire and the glaring lack of it's fulfillment to just go away, but at the same time I don't because I really want to get married. Oh my. Thankfully, with God's help and with the *years* of experience I have at being single I'm able to manage my unmarriedness without routinely wanting to jump off a bridge because of it. Pretty much, I have no choice, I must resolve myself to being single, nearing 30, with no end in sight. Now that I'm done sharing my very sad and sorrowful life, I'll share with you a quote from the aforementioned article.

Hope is inconvenient. It is paradoxical. It can be painful. It can search my heart and motives to the very bottom. I don't ask for hope, and often I don't actually want it. What I really want is for the desire to go away, or be granted. But by His grace, I hang onto hope anyway.

I may not have the 58 years of companionship that my grandparents had. It's unlikely that I'll have the eight children my parents had, and I will never be the young mommy that I had. But as as time goes on, it grows more clear to me that while my waiting years are irreplaceable, they are not wasted. Ultimately, it's not because of some great adventures they are giving me, some great benefit to others, or some great work I am doing. It's simply by knowing His outrageous love that I'm able to take something that's happening to me against my will — and mark it "Freely given to Jesus."

When Mary anointed Jesus' feet with pure spikenard, she gave something costly, something precious to her, something irreplaceable. It was others who said "Why this waste?" To the one who gave and the One who received, it was pure joy.

He never wastes what is precious to us! Not one single day.

My 20-somethings are gone. I will never, ever be married or have kids in my 20's. It is something I would NEVER have chosen. It was my dream to be a young mother and wife. And that will never happen. That chance is gone.

And, I do not believe things always happen because God is doing what's best for me or because He is trying to refine me and make my desire more focused on Him. I won't deny that my extended singless hasn't been very refining or cause me to draw closer to God (because it has!) but sometimes I think God allows things to happen or not to happen simply because He is, and was, and will always be. Simply because He can. He owns the cattle on a thousand hills. He spoke the stars into existence and calms the seas with a word. "Our God is in the heavens; He does whatever He pleases" (Psalm 115:3). And THAT is an awesome God. That is the God we serve and we worship.

May I bring glory to the God who is 'in the heavens' and 'does whatever He pleases'. And may I also be 'able to take something that's happening to me against my will — and mark it "Freely given to Jesus."'

Turning 30

So, I'll be turning 30 this year and you know what? I'm actually happy about it! I kind of like getting older. I love the perspective I have. I can think back just a couple years and see how much I've grown and it gives me so much hope for the future. It's SO good to know God. I'm so grateful for the growing He does in my life!

I'm also OK with being single. It's definitely not what I want. And the idea of having babies after I turn thirty is NOT ideal to me. But I will have to trust that God knows what He is doing. God is sovereign and His ways are not my ways. Not having my desires fulfilled has really helped to train me to believe that God is always good. It is not natural for me to think that God is good. Mostly I want to complain to God and wonder why He doesn't act. But not getting what I want has forced me to always keep in my mind that GOD IS GOOD. No matter what. All the time.

Now, I don't want anyone to think that it does not matter to me and that I feel nothing and I'm perfectly OK. I still desire to get married and have children. I will never be able to be married and have children before I turn thirty. And that kind of makes me sad. Many of my younger friends are married with children and that makes me sad sometimes too (although my joy for them kind of makes my sadness go away). I may never marry and that makes me sad too. But this life is not what it's all about. And, in light of eternity, marriage is only momentary.

Someone like me! : )

I just found a cool new blog called Generations of Virtue I'm posting an article entitled, "The 'plight of singles'? Think again." that I thought was great! I've included my response below. Sorry for posting again on singleness but, hey, it's my blog I can do whatever I want. : )

"I’m tired of reviewing singles books. As some of you know, we at Generations of Virtue have read through every book we carry, and for each book we choose you can count on us having read at least 3 along the same lines before deciding to carry that particular one. We read every new Christian book that comes out on the market regarding relationships, parenting, dating, courtship etc.

For singles books, it’s safe to say that 97% of them are depressing, negative and are full of the victim mentality (the other 3% we have on our website). I’m tired of it! I’m single, always have been, and I can’t identify with these sentiments. OK….not anymore, at least.

We as singles need to put our time and energy into being productive, finding out what God’s will is for this season and DOING IT. One of my favorite stories is one of many shared by Elizabeth Elliott in her book Quest for Love. The story centers around a woman living on the Canadian east coast, and a man living on the west coast. God had placed on both their hearts the desire to spread the Gospel in Africa, but they initially hesitated because they both were single. Each made the decision to do the will of God – even if it meant serving alone – and went. A year later the woman was driving in the Sahara Desert when to her dismay she had a flat tire. The first person who stopped to help her was the man from her home country, who had been working on the opposite side of the desert. Would they have found each other had they decided to wait in Canada?

There is so much to be done to build the Kingdom of God in the world. But when we’re so caught up in “looking”, we honestly can’t see what work God has for us. That’s because our focus is inward, centered on ourselves, instead of being centered on God. Something I’ve noticed in my life is when I stopped looking, stopped expecting that the next guy I met would be the one, my life really began to change. I started asking God to open my eyes; I’m convinced they were practically shut from being self centered. Even my thought patterns began to change. For the first time in my life, I’m beginning to believe that if God calls me to be single, that’s ok. I never dreamed I’d feel this way. The reality is there is work to be done and very few people who will actually look beyond themselves to do it. I’m tired of being the kind of person who’s so self centered they can’t see the bigger picture. The flip side has been so avoided and ignored because it’s uncomfortable. It doesn’t feed your flesh, self life, or necessarily make you look good to anyone but God, which is the most important anyway. One of my favorite quotes, one that I’ve spent a lot of time pondering is something Julie Hiramine says: “If your heart is motivated out of love to Him instead of a bunch of rules, it will be so much easier to follow what He says.”

Think about this: if you’re intent on finding the person God has for you, and God is calling you to Southern India, you’re better off there than here."

FINALLY someone is making some sense!! : ) I say if God gets the most glory in me being single then so be it. If He gets the most glory in me being married, then so be it. Either way I am NOT going to complain and pout and sit around and wait. It’s not really about me and my wants, it’s about Him and His Glory and that His Name would be made great! This life is so short and in light of eternity marriage doesn’t really matter a whole lot. Don’t get me wrong I would love to be married and have children and learn from the struggles married life brings, but at the same time I WILL be happy and content in whatever the Lord chooses for my current circumstances!! I WILL listen to the Spirit as He guides and directs whether it be towards continued service to the Lord as a single or continued service to the Lord and to my husband as a married woman. I know many say that being married makes you more like Jesus and I believe it, HOWEVER, I also believe (and know) that God is not unable to also provide other circumstances in your life (besides marriage) to make you more Christ-like. Yay for being happy in all things and in ALL circumstances. May we all grow in contentment in singleness AND marriage.

P.S. It only took about 8 years of God (ever so gently) knocking me over the head to get here… I’m a bit of a slow learner. : )

Love

I had one of the best Valentine's Day ever! It was so wonderful to contemplate the love God has for me and even more so to actually feel a true love, desire and affection for Him. I know my love is nothing compared to God's love, but it's just amazing that silly, selfish me can love God and be satisfied in that alone! I also spent the day, not just thinking about God's love and my love for Him, but I also spent it thinking about how much I love my family and friends. I'm so blessed!! And just thinking about love--I don't think there's anything greater!! I nominate everyday to be Valentine's Day!!

Faulty Reasoning

I think it's faulty reasoning to think that you are single because you have not become completely satisfied in God because this would mean that people who are married have achieved complete or more satisfaction in God. People who are married are not more mature or spiritual or more ANYTHING. God didn't withhold or take away things from Job because of any lack in his relationship with God. God just said, "I'm God and I can do what I want". Really God was saying, "It had NOTHING to do with you". I think it's wrong to assume that your singleness is your 'fault' or a result of some action or non-action on your part. God may have just chosen it for you at this time JUST BECAUSE. And the 'just because' is probably because your being single will bring God the most glory.

Personally, I want to be married, it is a desire of my heart. But I am accepting of the fact that I may take some of my desires with me to the grave and do you know what? GOD IS STILL GOOD.

Singleness: For Better or For Worse

Several months ago P. John Piper spoke an encouraging message about singleness that had everyone who heard it wondering, "If the blessings of singleness were as he said, then is it right to desire marriage and why would anyone want to?" I'm posting some of the best parts of his response to that question:

"....The objective truths about marriage are primarily God’s design:

1. To display his covenant keeping love between Christ and the church,
2. To sanctify the couple with the peculiar pains and pleasures of marriage,
3. To beget and rear a generation of white-hot worshippers, and
4. And to channel good sexual desire into holy paths and transpose it into worshipful foretastes of heaven’s pleasures.

That is a high calling, but it is only compelling if it meets with internal longings for God that lean strongly into these designs.

The objective truths about singleness are also primarily God’s design:

1. To display the spiritual nature of God’s family that grows from regeneration and faith, not procreation and sex,
2. To sanctify the single with the peculiar pains and pleasures of singleness,
3. To capture more of the single’s life for non-domestic ministry that is so desperately needed in the world,
4. And to magnify the all-satisfying worth of Christ that sustains life-long chastity.

That is a high calling, but it is only compelling if it meets with internal longings for God that lean strongly into these designs.

....

I don’t know which holds out more joys and more hardships..... This would be clear if all [men and women] not only heard the wedding vows, “For better or for worse,” but also heard the same words written over singleness: “For better or for worse.” Marriage may prove to be gloriously happy, or painfully disappointing. Singleness may prove to be gloriously satisfying or painfully disappointing. Only God knows which it will be for you.

So in the end, your heart really matters...."

I'd always felt bad about not being married because a lot of the time people really see it as a status symbol. I wanted the 'next level' marriage status. I'm over the loneliness part of being single. I'm over the longing part of being single. I'm really quite content except of course for the wanting the babies thing--that is the only thing that will get me to tears if I dwell on it.

The thing that helped me to be the most content in my singleness was understanding God's sovereignty. The following quote by Loraine Boettner expressing the thoughts I have about God's sovereignty: "Although the sovereignty of God is universal and absolute, it is not the sovereignty of blind power. It is coupled with infinite wisdom, holiness, and love. And this doctrine, when properly understood, is a most comforting and reassuring one.”

So then, God chooses my state in life based on his infinite wisdom, holiness, and love. Whether He desires me to married or single then it is His will because He is good and He knows what is best. But it's not just that He knows it's best for me, He knows the thing that will bring Him the most glory. So if I can bring Him the most glory by being single then let it be and let me not faint and grow weary and give up. If it's that I can bring him the most glory being married and having children then let it be let me not faint and grow weary and give up. May God be glorified and may His Name be great.