Belated Thanksgiving Comments

During Thanksgiving, I was trying to think of what I was most thankful for. I am thankful for many things, but I wondered if there was something I was thankful for above all else. Then it hit me--I am most thankful that God saved me!!

"...we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions–it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in His kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith–and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God–not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do". (Ephesians 2:3b-10)

I was an object of wrath and dead in sin but God in His mercy sent Jesus to save me! I never did anything good and yet God still saved me. And not only that but I have become His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works.

"[B]eing confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Philippians 1:6)

I am so grateful and thankful that God saved me, and not only that, but that He is working in me so that I can do good works that He planned in advance for me to do. I pray that my life would bring glory to His Name.

Singleness: For Better or For Worse

Several months ago P. John Piper spoke an encouraging message about singleness that had everyone who heard it wondering, "If the blessings of singleness were as he said, then is it right to desire marriage and why would anyone want to?" I'm posting some of the best parts of his response to that question:

"....The objective truths about marriage are primarily God’s design:

1. To display his covenant keeping love between Christ and the church,
2. To sanctify the couple with the peculiar pains and pleasures of marriage,
3. To beget and rear a generation of white-hot worshippers, and
4. And to channel good sexual desire into holy paths and transpose it into worshipful foretastes of heaven’s pleasures.

That is a high calling, but it is only compelling if it meets with internal longings for God that lean strongly into these designs.

The objective truths about singleness are also primarily God’s design:

1. To display the spiritual nature of God’s family that grows from regeneration and faith, not procreation and sex,
2. To sanctify the single with the peculiar pains and pleasures of singleness,
3. To capture more of the single’s life for non-domestic ministry that is so desperately needed in the world,
4. And to magnify the all-satisfying worth of Christ that sustains life-long chastity.

That is a high calling, but it is only compelling if it meets with internal longings for God that lean strongly into these designs.

....

I don’t know which holds out more joys and more hardships..... This would be clear if all [men and women] not only heard the wedding vows, “For better or for worse,” but also heard the same words written over singleness: “For better or for worse.” Marriage may prove to be gloriously happy, or painfully disappointing. Singleness may prove to be gloriously satisfying or painfully disappointing. Only God knows which it will be for you.

So in the end, your heart really matters...."

I'd always felt bad about not being married because a lot of the time people really see it as a status symbol. I wanted the 'next level' marriage status. I'm over the loneliness part of being single. I'm over the longing part of being single. I'm really quite content except of course for the wanting the babies thing--that is the only thing that will get me to tears if I dwell on it.

The thing that helped me to be the most content in my singleness was understanding God's sovereignty. The following quote by Loraine Boettner expressing the thoughts I have about God's sovereignty: "Although the sovereignty of God is universal and absolute, it is not the sovereignty of blind power. It is coupled with infinite wisdom, holiness, and love. And this doctrine, when properly understood, is a most comforting and reassuring one.”

So then, God chooses my state in life based on his infinite wisdom, holiness, and love. Whether He desires me to married or single then it is His will because He is good and He knows what is best. But it's not just that He knows it's best for me, He knows the thing that will bring Him the most glory. So if I can bring Him the most glory by being single then let it be and let me not faint and grow weary and give up. If it's that I can bring him the most glory being married and having children then let it be let me not faint and grow weary and give up. May God be glorified and may His Name be great.

My Testimony Part 5

This testimony was prepared and written for young people. To read my testimony in order click here and scroll to the bottom of the page.

I still (I am an excessively slow learner) felt a bit like God was holding out on me. I delighted in Him but my life involved work (which is hard), home (which can be hard too) and church (which is great, but can be hard too!). I tried to be thankful all the time. I tried to be grateful even when trouble came. But I STILL felt like I was owed more. I thought that God was unfair. Then I came to understand that GOD IS SOVEREIGN. He can do whatever He wants. He doesn't have to be fair actually—he will be JUST and RIGHT and GOOD but He doesn't have to be fair. He actually didn't even have to save me. He could have sent me to hell. He didn't have to send Jesus. God didn't have to care. BUT HE DID. If He never gave me a husband. If He kept me at the same job forever. If I live with my parents for the rest of my life. HE IS STILL GOOD. He is still all that I need. He is EVERYTHING and nothing else matters. And that is where I am now. Or at least, that is where I am striving to be.

God is sovereign—He has all a power and all authority—He can do WHATEVER He wants. In order for anyone to be a king he must possess, (1) Absolute Authority, and, (2) All Power. A king must have the right to rule, and the ability to carry out his will. God can do WHATEVER He wants. Psalm 135:6 says, “Whatever the Lord pleases he does, in heaven and on earth, in the seas and all deeps.” God said through Isaiah (46:9-10), ".. for I am God, and there is none else; I am God, and there is none like me .. My counsel shall stand, and I will do all my pleasure." Isaiah 55:8-9 says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts”. Listen to this, it blows my mind every time I read. I read it over and over just be sure that it really does say it. Job was a man who was blameless before God. God allowed Job to be tested by Satan. So in the first few verses of Job he loses all his family (except his wife). His children are killed. All his cattle are killed. All his servants and his sheep are killed. Do you know what Job does? Let's read it, it's amazing.

“At this [that is, after hearing that he has lost EVERYTHING], Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said: “Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing”. Job 1:20-22

WOW. Then Satan was given control over Job's body and he broke out in boils all over his body the Bible says the boils were from the soles of feet to the top of his head! At this, “his wife said to him, “Are you still holding on to your integrity? Curse God and die!” He replied, “You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” In all this, Job did not sin in what he said.” Job 2:9,10 Do you know that the entire book of Job seeks to find the reason why God did all this Job? Do you know what God's answer was? You can find the answer in Job 38. God pretty much tells job that he really has no business trying to understand the ways of God. I know it's tough to hear all this but you shouldn't think that God is distant and far off. I love this quote by Loraine Boettner: "Although the sovereignty of God is universal and absolute, it is not the sovereignty of blind power. It is coupled with infinite wisdom, holiness, and love. And this doctrine, when properly understood, is a most comforting and reassuring one”.


There's lots more to my story and lots more that God has so graciously and kindly taught me. He is SO good to teach me and not just leave to my own devices. Right now, I live with my parents. I submit to their input in my life. I am not married and there really is no 'potential' out there that I can think of. I may never marry. But God is still good. My work is hard and pretty disgusting at times. My life is not that exciting. But God is still good. I may not have all that desire, but I will be accepting of the fact that I may carry desires and dreams of mine to the grave. God does not have to fulfill all that I want in life. It's not about me, it's all about Him and the purpose of my life is give Him more glory in whatever way He decides is best.

The End.... For Now.

My Testimony Part 4

This testimony was prepared and written for young people. To read my testimony in order click here and scroll to the bottom of the page.


So I learned to take every situation and learn from it, but I was having trouble with the whole “rejoice” part of it. I was continually grumbling! I was like, “God, here I am doing all these things for you. I am learning. I am sharing my story. And I'm still not married, I'm in a job I don't really like, I still feel like I'm not good enough, I still feel ashamed sometimes, I still feel stupid sometimes, I still don't have really good character yet, I lose my temper, I revert to old sinful ways sometimes. Etc!!!” I remember reading through Exodus around that time. I read how the Israelites complained. I remember feeling sick in my stomach and afraid. I stopped reading because I was like, “God, I read the Bible so I can feel good. Here I am doing you a favor God by reading your Word and I feel awful.” It took me some time but God finally helped me to hear what He was trying to say to me, “You are just like the Israelites.” I knew it was true. All I did was pout and complain and grumble in my heart. I was saying God you have it all wrong. What an awful attitude to have towards the Creator and Owner of this world and of me. Around this time I read a short book recommended to me by my pastor's wife. The girl in the book was wondering why God had her walk through valleys and deserts when He'd told He would take her to high places. I felt the same way! Why God? Why did I give so much away to that guy? Why am I not married? Why do I have to work here at this awful job? Why do I have work nights? Why does that person get married and I'm still single? Why? Grumble, Grumble. Grumble. I was so ungrateful for all that He gave me. The girl in the book finally understood that God may not give her answers and that she is to accept all things from Him with joy. So I started doing it. I started being thankful for all things the good and the bad. It was WONDERFUL!! I just thanked and not just thanked, but I thanked Him joyfully. I tried to be joyful always!! It made me feel so great!!

We should be thankful ALWAYS in ALL things. We should PURSUE joy in HIM. The Bible says of the Israelites in Deuteronomy 28:47-48, “Because you did not serve the Lord your God with joy and a glad heart... therefore you shall serve your enemies”. Our lives should be lived in service to God. God owns you. You better be glad in Him. John Piper puts it like this, “You exist forever. There is no use protesting that you did not ask to exist and would like not to. That is not an option. You and God are both in the universe to stay – either as friends on His terms, or enemies.” I vote the “friends on His terms” and that includes being joyfully obedient to whatever life He calls me to. The Bible says in Psalm 37:3-6, “Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.”

Part Five

My Testimony Part 3

This testimony was prepared and written for young people. To read my testimony in order click here and scroll to the bottom of the page.


Through a series of events over a period of a year, God graciously helped me to get out of this relationship. I didn't deserve His help but He still helped me. He is SO good. But when I was finally out of the relationship the trouble didn't end. I was left with so much guilt, anger, and confusion. I felt guilty. How could I do such shameful things? I felt angry. How could God let that happen to me?! I felt confused. Why and HOW did all that happen? How awful that I had done these things!! I started reading a lot about relationships and began to understand how feelings cannot be your guide in relationships. I discovered how important it is to have your parents and pastors approve your relationship. I found that you can't just follow your heart. I was learning all kinds of new things about relationships and emotions, but I was still guilty and I was STILL mad. I felt like I couldn't be forgiven and what I'd done was so evil that no one would want me. I felt dirty. I was angry still because I blamed God for all this happening. The Bible says that He is able to keep you and I felt God had let me down? I grumbled. I pouted. I complained. I longed to get married and be truly loved. I was miserable. One day I promised God that if He would get me out of this pit that I dug for myself that I would tell everyone about how He saved me. I prayed that God would help me to be satisfied in Him. Because I had walked down a path of sexual immorality I had a lot of bondage in that area. I thought lustful thoughts. I read lustful things. Lust still consumed my mind. Lust is strong. I had heard a verse several years that always stuck with me--“Endure hardship as discipline”. So, I tried to take everything as a learning experience and find out what God was trying to teach me. And it was good! I learned lots!! I learned things like how important it is to honor my parents. I learned how important it is for a woman to stay under the covering of her parents and felt strongly that I should continue to live with parents (it's also better than throwing money away on rent). I stayed at my job (even though it's hard, even though I worked nights, even though it's stressful) because I felt like God wanted me to stay. I got involved in church again. I started telling my story. God tested me in those areas I had been weak in and showed me that where I am weak, He is strong!


Did you know that God disciplines you?—and that's a good thing!! Listen to this verse from Hebrews 12:5-11 “And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: “My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.” Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it”. If you are a getting disciplined by the Lord then rejoice because He loves you!! God doesn't want you to stay the same!! He wants to purify His people, to make them more mature, more complete so that they can be more effective!! The Bible says in James 1:2-4, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything”. Trials, discipline, and hardship are all good. Try to see what God is trying to teach you in your hardships. I'm not gonna lie, discipline is no fun while you're in it, but after you learn... it's wonderful!!

Part Four

My Testimony Part 2

This testimony was prepared and written for young people. To read my testimony in order click here and scroll to the bottom of the page.


I started college that year and things were going really well. Like I said I was at church all the time and very active in serving in church. I was what people call “on fire for God.” I'd always struggled with feeling ugly and worthless and I was starting to feel more confident in myself. Around this time our youth group became very “passionate”. People started bringing friends to church. One of those friends was 6 years older than me and had a child. I was attracted to him. I became convinced that I loved him and was going to marry him within a very short period of time. I ignored my parent's and pastor's cautions. I actually sat down and had a meeting with my senior pastor and my parents. I started hanging out with this guy a lot. I had never dated anyone before so this was all new to me. He treated me special. He told me he loved me. We even studied the Bible together. I started spending time with him alone. Within a period of just 1-2 months I started doing things with this man that should only be done with my husband. My whole life lust & rebelliousness were lurking in my heart. As soon as I started feeding it, it started to grow rapidly. I had been born with them there like it says in the Psalms--”surely I was sinful at birth”. I was not good. I did everything but have sex with him. And what's more, I wanted to do it. I even initiated it. I desired sin.

Did you know that your heart is deceitful above all things and you can't even understand it?—it is wicked—It says so in Jeremiah 17:9--“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve.” David, the Psalmist, after committing adultery and murder says, in Psalm 51:5 “Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.” The world says “Follow your heart” and “Do what feels good” but that will only lead you astray. Believe me, I know. The Bible also says in James 1:13-16, “When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. Don't be deceived, my dear brothers.” Some people might say things like, “Wow, Satan really attacked you then!”. But I think Satan just stood with his arms crossed, laughing, “Wow, God you think you can save this one? She is SO stupid and so easily led astray by just silly things. Do you really think you can save her? I didn't even have to lift a finger and off she goes giving herself away. Good luck with her!”. My own lustful & rebellious desire led me to sin in a way that is so damaging. “Surely I was sinful at birth.” The Bible says that sexual sin is especially harmful. In 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 it says, “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” Further, I disobeyed my parents by rebelling against their authority in my life. The Bible says in Colossians 3:20 “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. ” In Romans 1:30, disobedience to parents is called “wicked” and listed among things such as envy, strife, and murder. God takes disobeying your parents VERY seriously. My actions during that time in my life shamed God in the way that I let another man who is not my husband use my body and I rebelled against Him by disobeying my parents. Though God has forgiven me and has removed my sins as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103), I regret my behavior to this day.

Part Three

My Testimony Part 1

This testimony was prepared and written for young people.

I was raised in a Christian home. My parents were very specific with me as far as what they expected of me. No bad movies, no swearing, be nice to my brother, be respectful of my authorities attend church every week, no drinking, no smoking, no sex. Around the age of 12 or 13 I started really getting angry with my parents. I felt irritated with them and wanted to do my own thing. I had no respect for them and I didn't have any problems lying to my parents or being rude to them. I drank at my friend's house across the street when I was very young. I knew it was wrong to watch bad movies and usually I didn't but I sometimes tried to sneak to watch or read things that were sexually explicit. I swore and lost my temper at work. I smoked pot with a senior when I was a sophomore just to be cool. I drank to get drunk whenever there was a party or whenever my friend's parents went away. On top of all that, I was miserable. I was angry with the person God created. My senior prom was spent getting completely trashed. I remember thinking, “Drinking is so stupid!” It's great when you're drunk. You have all this freedom to be or do whatever you want but when it's over everyone is the same as they were. One of the best things I ever did was go to Christian camp every summer and my parents were good enough to pay my way there and encourage me to go. I was too quiet and self-conscious to make friends so I spent a lot of time at the altar in prayer. I always lingered there. God spoke to me there. During my last year at camp, I spent hours begging Him to take aware my desire to drink. And He did. He tested me very specifically in that area later that summer so I could be sure that He truly did set me free. I have not drank since then and I will not. God spoke to my heart and I was filled with so much passion for Him. I went back to church and became even more active in my youth group. I went to prayer meetings. I was at church all the time. I worshipped hard. I prayed hard. I tried hard. I didn't drink. I didn't smoke. I didn't watch bad movies. Much of my time was spent in church activities. I was good....

God, however, sees the heart—God is not just concerned with externals, He wants obedience in the heart. I didn't drink, didn't smoke, wasn't having sex. I didn't swear, didn't watch bad movies. I'd cleaned up my life real good. I thought... “Hey, I'm doing pretty good”. In Psalm 53:2,3 it says, “God looks down from heaven on the sons of men to see if there are any who understand, any who seek God. Everyone has turned away, they have together become corrupt; there is no one who does good, not even one”. 1 John 1:8-10 says, “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.” I may have looked good on the outside but God sees the heart. I caution you to BE CAREFUL if at any point you feel that you are 'good'. Jesus said in Mark 10:18, “No one is good—except God alone”.

Part Two

Set Your Mind On Things Above

I found this in the book The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace. Though I am not married, I always find the information in 'marriage' books to be really helpful because I find that I could have the 'Wrong Desires' of anyone of my friends and family. Aren't the 'Right Desires' wonderful!

Wrong Desires

1. That he will be affectionate.
2. That he will anticipate my needs with my asking.
3. That he will give me compliments.
4. That he will make me feel special.
5. That he will not hurt my feelings.
6. That he will talk to me and share their thoughts and feelings.
7. That he will put me first.

Right Desires

1. That I may know God's Word and obey it.
2. That I may delight in Him.
3. That I may seek Him with all my heart.
4. That I may be pleasing to Him regardless of my circumstances.
5. That I may cultivate an attitude of joy and gratitude in what God is doing in my life no matter what my husband does or does not do.
6. That I may have joy in God deciding how my life and circumstances can glorify Him the most, that He can use me for His glory.

1If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. 3For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. 4When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

Colossians 3:1-4